i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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