Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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