Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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