Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
