If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
