Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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