My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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