I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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