so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
