so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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