so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize