he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
