dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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