You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
