After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
