I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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