so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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