Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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