Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
