the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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