3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My vagina just clenched in fear
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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