How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
