Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
