The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
