Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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