Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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