It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
