I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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