we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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