I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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