Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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