Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
