my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
