She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
