dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
