whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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