If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When are your genitals available?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
