We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
