I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
