She's JV to your varsity
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
