Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
