Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
