Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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