i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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