Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
