Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
