In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
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And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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