Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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