Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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