that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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