I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
