I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
