Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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