I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
