My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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