So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
