I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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