it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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