it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just had sex on a roof
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
