I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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