my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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